pretending is a bit better

Leaving those reality thing and pretend to be like those happy girl can help. I need to be a good actress for me to convince not others but myself. Things do change so i must. I hate myself whenever i felt i'm not happy. Happy in a sense that i felt totally uncontended though i'm satisfied. Something is missing, still i don't see the answer. I miss the old me, who knows her self more than others. I find myself a new born person searching for such identity. God, i'm lost in my own search. I'm close to kicking every piece of me. I hate this feeling.

People come and go, some means others are for memories. They all mean in terms of completing the pieces i missed. I can't laugh and cry without passing through their roles in my ride. I become appreciative yet very conscious. I miss others though i'm happy with every bit i have.

Masasaktan, malulungkot,magtatanong, matatawa ako sa mga bagay na napagdaanan ko. Nalaman kong di madaling sumaya. Di nangangailangan nang matagal na pagsasama para makakilala. Anong rason ng pagbigay ng pangalawang pagkakataon kung minsan ka ng niloko sa maling dahilan. I don't get the point of loving again when things are not well processed. I continue to learn after pain, search when i'm lost and stand for my mistakes. Kailan ako mapapagod? The only way to stop is to give up. Am i ready?

If one day i decide to stop, when things don't go the way i wanted it to be, will god tap my back to say 'go on, nothing to worry'? I try to be stronger but i felt lesser. I want to continue but one part of me wants to give up. I hate goodbyes yet everyone does. I'm not brave if it's the reason for being into my fears.

Walang madali sa buhay ng tao. Takot ako sa maraming surpresa meron ang mundo. Ayoko pang umiyak pagkatapos ay magpapatuloy nang parang walang nangyari. Di ako handa tumawa sa panandaliang pagkakataon. Pagod na akong managinip na parang lahat madali. Di ako isang prinsesa, o di kaya'y kabilang sa hanay ng kilalang personalidad, isa akong ordinaryong taong libre mangarap kung ano ako bukas. Simpleng taong nakapaloob sa mundong puno ng surpresa. Kabilang ako sa mga taong walang sawang lumalaban at naghahanap ng matibay na rason para magpatuloy. Isa akong katulad mong nasasaktan ngunit patuloy na nabubuhay.

Masarap sigurong panoorin ang buhay mo kung alam mong may masayang katapusan. Ang hirap naman kasing umasa at sa bandang huli’y masasaktan ka lang. Takot ako sa lahat nang meron ang mundo. Buwag ako alam ko, pero matapang pa rin akong nabubuhay nang walang kasiguraduhan. Alam kong mahirap magpatuloy, pero kailangan. Minsan kailangan kong ipikit ang mga mata ko para huminto ang mundong walang kasing gulo. Ipipikit ko ang mga mata ko at sisikaping magbingibingihan para kalimutan ang masaktan. Luluha na lang ako katapos iwanan ang mundo na parang walang nangyari. Pelikula ang buhay natin na puno ng drama’t katatawanan pero mas makulay ang buhay natin sa kadahilanang di natin alam kung kailan ang WAKAS.

It's time

I don't know the reason why i'm writing right now yet i'm doing it. weird? hahaha well senti lang muna ako since it's SUMMER.(anong connection?) well, i start it.

Gumigising ako nang hindi alam kung bakit kailangan pa. Kmikilos ako sa di ko malamang dahil kung bakit. ano nga ba ang reason kung bakit people stay despite not knowing the reason of existing?

I'm trying to feel HAPPY, really happy yet i don't feel really happy. Kasi kulang ako? bakit ako lang ba ang confuse sa mndong ito?

bakit after breaking my heart, feeling so bad at doing nothing but mistake, we still continue? anong reason nang pagtanong nang okay ka lang ba kahit alam naman ng HINDI? masasakatan ka't madadapa sa araw na ito then tomorrow will come even though we felt not going on. hindi ba pwedeng kasabay ng pain ang end?

I'm more than no body

'JUST DO IT'

This nike ad keep bouncing inside my ears. It's like describing how my life goes in a process. Ang sakit isipin na ang buhay ko ay mas matamlay pa sa matamlay. Sometimes I just convince myself about truth like how okay naman lahat eh. Masaya naman ako having every people who really mean their stay in my life. Nothing to ask.

I'm a nobody unless you intend to have your part in my ride. I never demand so much in my stay, just love me enough is really appreciated. Simpleng mundong kasama ang mahahalagang tao sa buhay ko. I'm simply dreaming a fairy tale knowing it have endings i'm very willing to start my once upon a time. Love hurt, yes it's true, especially to someone who never felt loving them back. We deserve best not because you did best but because god made us to be someone's best.

i'm ready to commit. But learning how ready i am is equally nervous of being into it's reality. Ang gulo ko right? Well wala namang malinaw sa mundong ito eh. At least i'm being honest sa pagiging human being ko. Takot akong masaktan tapos ang huling kakampi ko'y pag-iyak. Ayokong masaktan lalo na't marami na akong nakitang umiyak sa harapan ko sa maling rason. I hate to see myself doing their mistakes or worst doing more than what they did.

'We're destined for someone'

It's like putting hope that later on becomes your most hated hope. Para saan pa ang umasa kung tanggap mo na ang mag-isa. Minsan kasi we try to believe something but finds ourselves tired of believing that ends up to be one of life's lie. Okay naman na ako loving myself eh pero bakit hindi ako contented? Parang ewan e, nakakainis naman maging tao, we tend to complicate things na okay naman. Mamamahalin ka nga pero sa huli mag-iisa ka rin. Alam naman na natin pero still we die to love kasi gusto nating minsang sumaya. Para saan pa ang sumaya kung iiyak ka rin sa huli. For the sake of memories? Ano yon pakonswelo? parang souvenir galing sa masayang event. Isang kantang magpapaala kung gaano ka naging masaya at gaano ka nasaktan ng higit pa sa inaakala mo. Ayoko na ngang isipin sumaya. Parang isang pag-asang sa bandang huli'y kakalimutan ang pagdating ko. I can't have everything... Bakit kaya? Kasi i'm just me? So what? Do i need to be everybody where i just want to have is something simple yet i felt perfect.

I still believe in fairy tale, the story that lives happily ever after. Convincing myself that life is like what we imagine that despite its realistic view magic still possible. Dreaming like there'll never be tomorrow. I simply want to love but demanding for a love in return. I'm tired of giving what i can without receiving what i think is i deserve. Everyone deserves a life of paradise, a life of what they exactly wish, a life with someone close to perfect. Perfect doesn't describe impossible, for me perfect is being true to his being imperfect. Someone who's willing to learn and share. A person who simply love and appreciate. I can't be perfect, far to being ideal and never been someone's dream. I'm just a girl, wanting to feel god's creature and believes to my own fairy tale.

you made us proud

Congratulation to our women's volleyball team...Nice fight guys...

TAMS UP!